Hang

Hang (pronunciation: [ˌfläksəˌnôsəˌnīˌhiləˌpiləfiˈkāSHən]) is the demented lovechild of Conan O'Brien and Confucius. He is well-known for his signature waddle, which sufficiently carries him from Point A to Point B but does so in a shitty fashion; this makes him easy prey for North American wildlife, large birds, and telemarketers.

Biography
Hang was born within thirty miles of a toxic funky farm; experts today say that the groovy radiation within its vicinity shortened one of his legs. As a goober, his mother (Conan O'Brien, now deceased) noticed his duck-like gate and took him to a doctor. The doctor, however, turned out to be a Man-O-War jellyfish and sucked Hang's brains out while his mother wasn't looking. In his adolescence, Hang developed anger issues which caused him to throw his forearms into the air on occasion and slightly raise his voice; he also had recurring nightmares about jellyfish wearing stethoscopes. To solve this problem, his mother took him to a professional. Therapy was successful until the therapist, too, turned out to be a Man-O-War jellyfish.

Waddle
It is commonly believed that Hang's waddle developed from radiation emanating from those groovy funk riffs. Hang's father, Confucius, sued the funky farm that had cursed him with this ailment and then raped and pillaged the staff working there on horseback. Today, the gaping hole in the ground that was once the funky farm is a tourist attraction popular among miracle workers and Scandinavian midgets.

Philosophy
Because of his physical disability and his vicious anger issues, Hang today lives a life of sin and shame. It is rumored that he owns a home deep in the heavily-forested mountains of the Sahara Desert, but no trace of this home or heavily-forested mountains in the Sahara Desert have been found. Hang believes in the principles of Fascism and is quoted as saying that he hopes "to eradicate all inferior races by the year 2020". It is believed that if you look into his eyes, you will immediately implode and become a flower in the Garden of Psychotropic Duck Munching. On Wednesdays, Hang wears a lobster suit to commemorate the loss of Fidel Castration.

Quotes
"Sup, Dal?"

"I've eaten this before!"

"I hope to eradicate all inferior races by the year 2020."

"Mom, I think this doctor is a Man-O-War jellyfish."

"Mom, I think this therapist is a Man-O-War jellyfish."

"Mom, I identify as Man-O-War jellyfish."

"Honey, where is my lobster suit?"