Dan

Dan is a radioactive ball of mayonnaise from the planet Joo. He received media attention when he coined the term "Dalius Mobile", a feat which is never credited to him. On second thought, I'm not giving him any credit.

Birth
Dan was born on the planet Joo, though merely a year after his Earth he migrated to birth by riding his dog Charlie through the fabric of space. It was said that he was once a normal color such as beige or lilac, but the light of the stars stained his skin eggshell white. These claims, however, were made by an unreliable source known as L.L. Bean. Due to the fact that their stocks are collapsing, they make false claims in hopes that their backpacks will sell better to financially exhausted backup dancers.

Anatomy
Dan's mustard glands were ruined approximately thirteen seconds into the Meme War. In the Battle of Stairway Twelve, Dan took to the front lines shouting "I prefer to call them films instead of movies!" and was shot below his sixteenth rib by Pat Scat Clit Pork as a result. He writhed in pain and was taken to Weenie Hut General to recover. He did not recover. After taking several surveys based on his preferences in the opposite sex, he was set free into the wild where he vowed to destroy Team Dalor but did not include a reason. He was then strapped into a car seat and left in the desert for fifty-two years.

Quotes
[This section of the Wiki article has been censored by Team Dalor due to racism and frequent profanity.]